Albatross

  I’m finally writing again after so long not because I have anything great to say, but because I’ve been feeling really low. Lately, I don’t even like myself. I struggle to connect with people, and even the one I love sometimes hurts me. When I try to explain how I feel, he always has his own reasoning, and I end up feeling unheard. At first, I was so happy, thinking I was the luckiest person in the world. But as time passes, he’s getting busier, and sometimes, I feel like he doesn’t understand me. I try to be patient, but it’s not always easy, I just wish someone would truly understand me. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t even want to be here anymore. I don’t fall in love easily, but now that I have, he means everything to me. Yet, I can’t keep bringing up our misunderstandings over and over. When he misses me, he hugs and kisses me, and I love that but why isn’t it consistent? One day, if I’m gone, I know you will miss me… but by then, I won’t be there anymore.

  Sometimes, I wonder why you treat me the way you do. I always make an effort to come and see you. I won’t deny that you appreciate it at times, but other times, you don’t. I can’t help but feel that because I’m always available, you’ve started to see it as normal and no longer find it special.  Before I left for home, I wanted to hug you, but you didn’t want to. Why? Are you getting bored of me? I’ve always told you that you’re the only one I talk to, yet you don’t seem to want to show me your love. And even after our discussion about this, I feel like you’re different in person compared to how you are over text. I love the way you care and talk when we chat, it feels warmer than when we’re together in person. OM NAMA SHIVAYA.